America's (real) Favorite Pastime

This week in the market... Joe, Jay, and Anthony discuss their first experiences with pornography, their favorite porn stars, and the differences between amateur and professional porn. They reminisce about the early days of watching porn and the conversation also touches on the evolution of technology and how it has changed the way people consume porn. So, grab your naughty bits and get ready for a very HOT episode!

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Transcript

0:11

Yes! Thank you. Samsung alias by the way. RETURN BACK! Welcome back! Welcome Hahaha! Welcome back to Season 4 Episode 15 of Beards and Sundries! The podcast for gay men. with beards! Beards everywhere That's right, you guys, it's time for another lunch break here at Beards and Sundries! It's the shop where three gaming with Beards do inventory on a new sundry item in every episode! My name is Jay and... Did anyone call a plumber? No. Ha ha ha. Well I'm here anyways, looks like your plumbing's bad. What are you going to do about it? Fix it? No. I'm Anthony and I'm not a porn star anymore. Oh no! I'm Brekkie. I'm Brecky and I'm okay thank you. And I'm Joe and Sally Palm is coming over later and she's bringing her five friends. But that means that today's sundry item is PORNOGRAPHY! That's right- ooh, oooh! That's right y'all, we're talking about naughty stuff today. I'm sure all of you were going to turn this off immediately because you're all such pure little angels and you would never want to listen to us talk about this. But yes, today we're gonna chat about our first experiences with that spicy media, crushes that we had over the years, and what we think about the medium today. After the break, we're gonna figure out our own porno persona, and we have quite the fun game for later on. But before we hit skip ad on those hot milfs that are in our area, how about this week's voicemail? I love a classic George and Anthony voicemail. This makes my heart happy. I also love that he recommended that new people call, and I think he's right guys. I think you would love it. A lot. is right. That's true. Go ahead, Joe, sorry. I was also glad to hear about George's favorite phone because we got that fun video about Anthony's Blackberry, so it was nice to see the other half of that. I was going to talk about the phone too, so I'm glad that you did because the LG alias was a cool phone, but those buttons were so fucking small, George. Oh my God. I, it was cool that it had it, but like, like they were small and you had to like press them in weird ways. I don't know. The concept was fantastic because at the time there wasn't a lot of phones with full QWERTY keyboards, but the buttons were like. Beanie, beanie, beanie. I can imagine even typing on that now because my fat thumbs fuck up texts all the goddamn time. all the time. know. And that's not even counting the time Siri does it for me. I'm out. I love seeing you do a text, then I see the typo in it, and then immediately as I'm about to say something about it, it changes to the right thing that you meant to say, and it says edited. Oh man, that edited option makes me so happy. I'm so glad we've got that now. It was created for you, Jay. I was messaging my coworker today and I typo'd the word and to nad and I was like, maybe I'll leave it. just leave it. I can't get over how many times my bringer... wow. My finger types Brian instead of Brain. And I say Brain way more than I think I do. So funny you should say that, I have to type names for part of my data input for work every day, and one of the names I type every day is Brian H, and all the fucking time I'm typing Brain H. That's it. If I have to type out brain, I type Brian. And if I type out Brian, I type out brain and I'm like, why can you not figure this out? I before a except after no. Wow, for a porn episode, y'all get me real fucking hot. So does anyone wanna ask me where to find sundries? Anyways, are you done with this conversation? Anyways, thank you, George and Anthony. We're not going to thank him yet. Joe, you just gotta push through. Yeah, thanks George and Anthony. I want to talk about pushing some buttons. Anyways, PORN. Sundries. The joke writes itself. Joe. It sure does. Can I have sex in aisle four? You can with the sundries there. Ha ha ha. Why ask, you already do Jay. But if you guys are new to the show and you're just wondering what the hell a sundry is, the term comes from an old English word meaning odds and ends. Now today it's used mainly in retail as a way to group together items that don't typically have a group of their own. So as three search history clearing gay men with beards, we are using the term to group together the wide range of topics that we cover. You know what's really cool about being an adult? I don't have to clear my search history. Not anymore. Sometimes I save it just for fun. yeah, I can just look at porn. I don't have to go incognito. I don't have to do any of that. I can just go pornhub.com slash gay. Don't forget slash gay, beardos. Don't forget slash gay. Do you know how weird it was to get used to the fact that I didn't have to like keep the volume down or Like hope nobody popped through the door and so I'm like in my mid-20s. I'm like, wait a minute. Why am I still doing this? It's funny too for having tabs open on my internet browser on my phone. They're saved up in a different section, but it's all the fun videos that I want to come back to later. And I'm like, alright, well we'll just navigate away from that and keep that one. Hehehehe I was in my office one day, just absolutely going to town with volume full up. And I finish and like, I'm cleaning up. I'm getting back to my regular life because you know, that post-mortem clarity, like, oh, now I got to do the dishes. Um, and I realized that the windows to our bedroom, which is attached to my office that the office door is completely open to. We're open the whole time. And so our neighbors are like 10 feet from us. So I was just like, yeah, I was like, I really hope that they weren't just out there. Because if so, they heard some real intense fucking. I'm sorry. I just literally imagined they're out working in the lawn and they hear AHHH Hahaha It's... so I watch a lot of amateur porn, but like it's still very much bear porn most of the time, so like it's all the... as Joel would put it, Yeah, fucker! Yeah, boy. Yeah. Attaboy. Yeah. Fucker. You're a fucker. But this does bring up a really good question. Amateur or professional? It depends on my mood. Right, exactly. Because professional can be real tacky, but sometimes it can be really interesting to watch. There is a range for sure. Like those videos that are in the- We've talked about it before, but it's always those videos that are like in the banner ads that are on the top of the page that you're on. It's like someone- Their pants are slightly down, and then some guy comes up behind him and yanks his pants down and shoves it in, and the guy's like, WOAH! Hahahaha! the ones where they're like with mom and wife in the dining room and he like goes down under the table and the guy's like RUUU It's so distracting. So I was watching this one professional porn the other day that was these two big like muscle bear guys and I was like, they're, they're super hot, but the start of it was just like them and their wives at dinner and the scene is taking place fully into some kitchen somewhere, but it's dressed up to be like a restaurant. And Oh but it's Burbank, California. The wives are like, my husband's stronger than your husband. No, he's not. Look at these muscles. And they're like, take his shirt off. And they're like arm wrestling. And they arm wrestle and accidentally hit the fucking pitcher of water that's on the table. And it's like the shot pans to all the other people in the room, which is like five other people, which includes the wives and that five. And they're all getting like drenched in water. And they're like, I can't believe it. So everyone else leaves the room. like, yeah, you want to fuck? And then they just fuck. I'm like, this is so crazy. Right. I mean, it does make sense repressed muscle men and their wives who granted attractive wives, they were fine. But you know, at some point, when you're that muscly, you have an appreciation for the male body. That's true. I saw one the other day where it was these two like college-ish age guys, I don't know, maybe like mid-20s, and they're sitting on the couch playing video games and they're talking about how they're gonna have sex with this girl later, like at a party or something, and they're like, yeah, we're gonna have a threesome with, I think her name was Jessica, of course. And... Yeah! And so then they're talking about Jessica and they're like, I've never had a threesome with another guy before. What if we don't know what to do? She's going to think that we're not cool. And then they start to like jack off with each other. And then they start to jack each other off. And then they're like, well, maybe we should, I don't know, I've done butt stuff before with other girls. Maybe we should try it so we're experienced. And then they just start like. having sex with each other right there. And then they start like kissing, cause they're like, well, if she wants us to kiss, we're gonna have to be good at it. But I was like watching the scene, I was like, they're kind of hot, and this is like good sex. So I'll just look past Jessica. Sorry, Jessica. Well, I also like the ones where the husband's at home and he's having sex and then the wife knocks on the door and he pokes his head out, but he's still getting fucked behind the door. And so he's talking to her and he's making all these faces and she's just having a conversation. And I think my favorite part about that kind of porn is it's kind of the concept of that SNL skit with Emma Stone where I'm like, what do you think those women were doing getting ready for that part? They're like, imagining who their character is and they're just like I'm this guy's wife and I'm gonna be oblivious to that him being a homosexual. A lot of time they're usually porn stars that are just like stepping in for that role. But then with Emma Stone though, she's just thinking like, man, I'm going to sweep next year at Oscars for Poor Things. I don't care about this at all. Christ, right? Yeah, good for her. Good for her. Good for Deidre. like when we were younger, the option was professional porn. I mean that was it. That's all you had. And can we talk about 2000's porn professional acting? yeah, we can. can, yeah. And I'm gonna bring up a Girthbrooks one that I just cannot get out of my head. And like, I think some guy went, tried to go down on him, and he's like, Whoa, whoa, I'm not gay, man. It was the absolute flattest tone ever. And then the guy's like, come on, I mean, nobody's gonna know your wife. He goes, well, when you put it that way, boom, sex. Hahahaha Well, you know everyone's scrolling like four minutes in anyway, so it doesn't even matter what they were doing. Yeah, well, depends on. Back in the day, I had dial-up internet and scrolling was difficult. That's true. then other than that, you're like, you're having to watch a video on either a DVD or like a god forbid a VHS and you're having to like fast forward. with like the remote in this hand and then, you know, what else in the other hand. Right, so my first experience with porn was my friends would bring like magazines over, right? Like dirty magazines, but they're all straight, dirty magazines because they're all straight. And I'm like, yeah, this is so hot. This is cool. I love her boobs. They are the coolest boobs I have ever seen. And whoa, is that, is that a muff? I know what a muff is because I'm cool and straight and I love Jesus. Um, well, I mean, you know, my, my acting chops are pretty strong. Um, but then after like everyone left, I'd go to the back of the magazine where the ads were because there's little ads back there and they're like, bye curious. And I'm like, was like, hey, call me George, because I'm curious as fuck. I was. I remember there was this one that wasn't even like, the guy wasn't even naked. He was just wearing like these white briefs, but the outline was there and I was like, this is so fucking hot. Just cranking it. Basically, yeah. Which also, I guess really means all of our first porn experience is the underwear. Oh, absolutely. Mm-hmm. The pre-teen boners I could get from that. God, it was so wild. You just walked in and you're like, whoa, bing. Every day, baby. No... mean the worst part about it is I'm in my what 30s now and I still walk through it. I'm like, hey Bing Da na I gotta go, I'm looking at underwear. Joe comes down the aisle and he's like moving his glasses. He's like, what they got there? Oh, oh, look at the package. No. Yeah. the fuck up. Oh my god, although now whenever I'm in Walmart, I'm too anxious to go to the underwear aisle. I'm just anxious in general. I walk in and I'm like... I now order mine from Amazon. We get them from Costco. Oooo We have regular underwear or sexy underwear and nothing in between. Yep. I... yep, regular underwear. I think I got a couple sexy, but nobody wants to see that, so... Ha ha ha! I think the detective Fierce would beg to differ. Yeah, he's doing some investigating for sure. Give him a call, maybe he'll be like, yeah absolutely. Hahaha Um... Uh. Did you guys have like any porn stars you were always after back when we were younger? Mm-hmm. So, one of the first and best ones that I ever found, his name, he didn't really... So you know how porn stars always have their fake names. He went by Spike and he was like this brunette guy and he had big tool, of course, but he was known for like being able to shoot really far. and that was always like, I was into that, I was into that super early and I'm, it's still one of my big favorite things and he was like a pro at it and I would always search for his stuff but it was so tough because like Spike is kind of like a common search phrase whenever you're searching for it so it was kind of hit and miss on whether you could find everything accurately especially back then. You just kept getting to Spike TV! Yeah, and that was completely the opposite of what I was looking for. And his real name was James Marsters. And that's a Buffy fact for you Buffy fans. Hmm. Spike's the blonde one, right? died long. He's actually a weirdo in real life. David Boreanis' character was way hotter because David Boreanis is hotter in general. You know. Obviously. I just wanted to make a joke for Buffy fans. I don't know, maybe we'll get some engagement. Leave a voicemail. Somebody engage us. So my porn star of choice when I was younger was Matt Rush. Oh my god, I forgot about Matt Rush. I like Matt Rush. I first saw him in Taking Flight. Thank you Falcon Studios. I remember seeing some scene with him like on a boat and I thought it was just the hottest fucking thing but the biggest thing was that he had this really nice ass like this just bubble butt ass and I Was such a top for the longest time. It was the only thing I would do is basically like Jay where I would only top and And like that's, I was so into it, I was like, hey, look at his fucking ass, it's perfect. I would absolutely fuck him. You know, 16 year old me who was skinny is a fucking skeleton. Hahaha Yep, I remember Matt Rush. But he kind of looks like... speaking of the movie Taking Flight, there was a scene in that movie, Matthew Rush and Spike were both in that movie. Spike had a quick part. So Matthew Rush was playing a flight attendant on the plane and then this other actor was like sitting in his seat and he looks over and Spike looks back at him and he's like playing with his junk and he takes his dick out. And he starts like, yeah, like looking across the aisle and the guy looks back and he's like, ugh, like no, like, oh, like visibly upset. So then he like leaves his seat and gets up. This is the last you see a spike. So his scene's over. But then the other actor walks up the aisle of the plane and then bursts through to the galley where Matt Rush is playing the flight attendant. He's like doing coffee or whatever. Whatever. He's faking it. Like they all do. And he's like, oh, the guy next to me was playing with his dick. He was doing this. Like doing the hand motion. And Matt Rush is like, I don't know. That doesn't mean anything. Maybe his hand was tired. And he goes, look, this is what he was doing, okay? And he pulls his pants down, has a huge boner, and starts like... Jacking off right in front of him and then Matt Rush saunters over and goes, well, only one thing we can do about that. And drops down and just starts sucking on him silly. And then full on sex in the galley because there's so much room for that on a real airplane. I fucking love old gay porn, just it's the worst. Ugh. the original way you were describing this, made me think like how many porn stars were in taking flight. But now I'm thinking like, like what's the Avengers end game of porn where all the porn stars show up? I was gonna say one of them has to be how the West was hung, because there is an orgy scene near the end in this saloon where there's like 20 of them, like 25 porn stars. And Spike starts the sex scene because he walks over to this guy who was like, hey, that girl upstairs got a dick, but he's got a huge boner, he's naked. And Spike walks over and goes... Well from the look what's between your legs, you didn't mind much, and grabs him by the dick and pulls him over and starts sucking them silly, and then that's how everyone starts having sex on the dance floor. This is that meme that's been going around with like the little like sheet character with his arms crossed and he looks mad, but he's got a boner and you can tell through the sheet and it says conservatives when they see two men kissing. Yeah. Yep. makes me think we should make our own superhero movie, but with all 2000s gay porn stars that we know. And so I'll call people like Girthbrooks, um, Brent Corrigan. Oh my god, Brent Corrigan, that's a name I haven't heard. Holby Keller. Ooh, I don't think that's a thing now. Colby Keller, I think is, didn't he get all weird and conservative? Yeah, I think he did. All right. But it's like a Trump voting thing. Like it's pretty bad. Yeah. him, but we can call Colby Janson. Ooh yeah, you can do Colby Jansen. I got it mixed up again. Colby Jansen is the ex wrestler with the cauliflower ear. X rugby the X rugby player Yes, that's who I meant. Dibs on him. I weirdly, actually vaguely, slightly know his brother. Accidentally, yeah, weird, weird scenario. Haven't seen him in years, but I used to like see him and then one time he brought it up and I was like, what? What? Nobody told me. Speaking of Colby Jansen, how about Dirk Kaeber? Hmm. I'm not sure. Oh yeah, I only know about dirt caper because of you. They were in that movie called Sun Swap and they did this scene where they're like old friends and they're reconnecting at a cabin for a weekend and then they're like, I always thought you were so cool, I always wanted to, blah blah, I thought about you, then they just start to kiss and then suddenly they're just boom boom, right in there. Yeah. The premise isn't great, but like, I only watch it for the first scene before the suns get there. I... They're fucking each other's sons? Yeah, it's not great writing. I don't recommend the rest of the movie, but the first scene's pretty A+. But you have to understand that incest situation is kind of a fetish for people. No, no, and I get that and that's the only way to do it really is to like make it not real because Yeah. You know. Do you guys remember... I completely forgot about this until just now... John Magnum. Oh. the name, but I don't really remember him. I think I had this real daddy thing back then. He was always like shaved head, and he was a little bit stocky, and... He would sometimes do these porns, which back in my younger days were so hot to me, and he would do... they were like, educational. And so he'd be like, I'm gonna show you the best way to fuck a guy! And he would literally be like, first you gotta make him do this, and you gotta do that, and it was just... awkward, but weird, and there I was going, this is okay. Ha ha It was so strange. I do like those like instructor or like Doc doctor porn that's always fun when they're like in the doctor's office and they're like, oh, I don't know what's wrong doc My my girlfriend just won't give it up or like oh, I don't know coach I just can't focus on the game and they're like, oh you just need to have a release and then just there they go Or there's the one where he's like, something might be wrong with my hole. And then the doctor's like, well, let me see. And then he's like, can you feel this? Poke, poke. And then he's like, let's move. Yes, he's like, let's move to something bigger. And he. rrr. And then like it's so funny because in the middle of it like they're full-blown having sex, he's going to town He's like, I hope you can feel this and the guy's like, haha. Yeah, and I'm just like, oh, okay. He did the job Everybody clap your hands. So I like scenes like that, but I like it whenever it's more amateur porn. And just while we have a couple of minutes to talk about amateur porn, I prefer amateur. I prefer like content creators. I prefer people sending me their own stuff. I am. That is, that's where I just love it. I think it's so natural and I feel like it's there. So it, it's like watching. like college football versus professional football. Like if I'm watching the NFL, I'm just watching somebody do their job and that's not fun to me. I mean, that's why Twitter is so great, and that's why Twitter is so easy to go to, because it's simply amateur. Like, you actually feel like it's more real life. Like, it almost feels a little bit more personal, and you love it, because it's not acting. Well, and that's what I was going to bring up is there's this there are these there's a couple that they do content creation called the Husbears and that's H U Z B E A R S. That's your mini something to check out this week. Beardos. and one of their videos is like the blowing the pizza delivery guy and holy shit it's the way i found out about them and it is so hot Oh, I think I know what you're talking about. I think that's on my Twitter too. Ha ha ha. What? Who told you? hot. But yeah, there are so many great amateur content creators out there that are doing the nasty just for you. You should 100% pay them for it. It's worth it. Anthony's like watching this and then all of a sudden the ending of it just like comes across with the Randy Blue symbol from years ago. With the disco ball or whatever it was. I don't remember. Yeah, or, uh, men.com or whatever. Men.com. Oh my god, I used to go to, what was it, PornMD.com? Oh, yes, I love born in D. Oh my God. Yes. Because you could search every like website with it. Yeah. You'd search it and then you'd select like what sites you wanted it to pull from and it would do a search across all of those sites of that term that you put in the search bar. Uh-huh. it was so fucking cool because you didn't have to go to one website, then another website, then another website. You could just use pornmd.com. Yeah, it was the doctor of my desires at the moment. cool and it had all these filters that you could add. Oh, it was it was the best way to look up porn even to this day. It's yeah, it's still not bad. I hardly use it now that I think about it, but Did they? I just used it to search something. Yeah Oh shit, well then I guess I've been doing porn wrong recently, well actually I've just been doing Twitter mostly because, pretty cool. Well, and then speaking of different sites, did you guys ever pay any money for a site or did you just like, just do free stuff? mid-adult, and it's because I'd go through a phase where I'm like... There we go, now you're good. There it is. I mean, as a mid-aged adult, it feels like I've done it before in my 20s, because I would, like, subscribe for a month and be like, download download, and save it to my external drive, and I never ever use it. So it just... it's now, like, if I plug in my external drive and open it, I'm like, this is all ancient porn now. Well, I like OnlyFans because I will subscribe to people's stuff there from time to time, and that's that I will pay for. I am on OnlyFans and I think I subscribe to, I think it's currently only like two different accounts because I don't really like spending the money if I don't have to and it is hard supporting. Yeah, it is. But I remember one month I paid for Jake Cruz and this was, he's like that. little more mature guy that will give men handjobs on his table. So I was like, oh cool, some money shots, that'd be fun. So I paid for that for one month, but I think other than that I think that's all I ever paid for. I've just, you know, illegally downloaded things, of course, but other than that it's just been those two things. paying for is Durden and that man can get it. Yeah. Yes, he is. He is so hot. started doing a lot more things on his free accounts too. He was in Oklahoma City not that long ago. cool. Yeah, I saw that he was there and I was like, I'm not hot enough. I wish I was. He's very attractive, that's for sure. attractive. I also in this discussion had a flashback to back when I first started looking up the gay porn. And I had dial-up, and so I remember videos weren't really something I could do. And so I would search pictures and click one, and you still had that slow pixel download of pictures. And as a young teenager who had just not that long ago discovered the art of masturbation. I would about rip that thing off while it was loading because of the excitement of what I was about to see in full frame. And like, I would see everything and I'd be like, done! I remember there was and store them somewhere. I remember there was this like two week period in my life when I had dial-up, when my parents allowed me to move the computer into my room, which... smelliest room ever. You could break a blanket. Ha ha ha. It's still like Jizz. and I found this fucking French porn was what it was and it was the only way you could really get anything like that. And it took me like two weeks to get maybe like three minutes of this video and let me tell you. just the prospect of these two naked men having sex, woo, it would just every time just be like, oh, it takes like five seconds. Ah! Ha ha ha. Oh my God. I remember at one point back then too, like I was like, well, you need some sort of lubricant. And so I don't remember what I was using that I ran out of. But I went to the bathroom and I had this bottle of skin so soft from Avon in our cabinet. And I would use that for a while. And like I always smelled of skin so soft. But by all means, my skin was very soft. So soft. Ha ha ha. softest penis this side of the Mississippi. To this day, it is so hydrated. It has no wrinkles, Beardos, no wrinkles whatsoever. It is just, it's just a slab of meat. Oh, he froze. What a great time for that to end. You look at me and you're like, this guy's in his 40s, but I'm like, this guy was doing this, and I drop my pants, and you're like, wow, that 18 right there. I'm like, this thing, like penis face don't match. They're just the huge age difference. Oh my god. Well with that, do you guys think it's time to take a break and then come back to a different segment? Absolutely. I guess. Okay, God. Jesus. Wee wee wee. Balls. Okay. Pfft! immediately froze. Okay. Okay, we're back. There it is. Yep. Anthony, do you remember that game we played the other day where you confused us? What was it? Something about your porn name, the Gistr of Oz? Aren't you supposed to introduce the segment and then we come back from to the segment? Oh, yeah! Anthony's following the orange dick road. The freezing, the freezing threw me off. Fuck, I hate that I just ruined that. Okay. mess. Okay, so after the break, we're going to come back and we're going to ask Anthony a very important question. BWEEE-DEE-DEE-DEEE Jay, what's your important question? Anthony, after your game you played the other day... that confused us a couple times? Is your porn name The Jizzert of Oz? I hate you so much. Yeah. cut that game so well in editing. Oh my God. did! That game came out well. Because Anthony was such a wicked jizz of the East. was. I was not having a good time with that game, and I felt really bad later. I was like, not okay. with three random men on the yellow dick road Hey. How many of those did you write down? being gaslit by the good dick of the north. Oh my god, I know, I know. How long have you been working on this? Went all along, it was just a fever dream because you're railed by a tornado. answer, Jesus Christ, answer the question, Jay. How long have you been working on these? literally a few seconds before we started recording, I was just like, making this shit up. Yeah, I had to because otherwise I'll never remember them. Speaking of Toto from the Wizard of Oz, I have a quick something that we need to talk about real quick. HAAA! it squirt? What? Squirt. Anthony's gaslighting you because he figured out something's wrong. Tell us Joe! Tell us! NNNN So a few weeks ago, we talked about some Easter eggs in movies. And we talked about the movie Twister, where we learned that, um, Sorry, Anthony, what was Joe's dog's name at the beginning of the movie, you said? Toby, I said it was Toby. I did, yeah, 100%. Because I'm pretty sure that when I went back and listened to it, you said it was an Easter egg that her dog's name was Toto. Well, it's good that you're saying it now, Anthony, because her dog's name is in fact Toby. She yells the name Toby as she's being carried down the stairs by her mother. This is what happens, Beardos, when you get your facts from questionable websites. Hmm, it sure is. He was on a porn website. It was the Jizzard of Oz he was watching. Ha ha ha. I thought you said I was the Jizzrabaz. Well, I don't know. So, yep, just to clear that up, beardos. The young doctor, what the fuck is her name? Joe something. Anyway. So anyways, beardos, just to clear that air, her dog's name was in fact Toby and not Toto. The young Dr. Helen Hunt. Ha ha ha. What was her last name? Joe something or other. God, I don't remember. It's kind of driving me nuts. Was this still the last name of Bill? JoeWerg. Uh, what the fuck was his last name? Joe Paxton? No, I'm kidding. That's Bill Paxton. Hahaha. if you're nasty. Anyways, before we waste too much time on this, guys, if you were a porn star, what would your porn star name be? It's a horny weaver. Ha ha! That's a really good one. Yeah, I'm really proud of that one. Hillary, Hillary Ridingham Clinton. If it were me, I would be from the state of Chode Island. I'm good. the motion state. Oh well I would be long distance because I would just be in tech's ass. Oh, shut up! I'll just be a good old Oklahoma then. Whew. Mm. Oh, to go against the state name, I once actually had this name in somebody's cell phone, The Farmer, because I know how to milk them. No? And that was yours truly, Mr. Chest Virginia. Ah, that's true. Fun fact for you, beardos today. We talked about so many mature porn stars today that I'm gonna change my name to Albus Dumble Whore. Hahahaha! I know that came up on a list somewhere that you googled. I know it, I did not, I have not Googled any of these. I just like made them up as I went. Um, I figure since the way porn names work, I'm just going to go ahead and be Colby Lastname. won't be the last name. plug it into like a random generator. Let's see. Gay porn name generator. Click. I can't wait to see the next movie with Samuel L. Jackme. or steel penis. Ha ha ha. D-D- or Rick tail. Rick tail. Rictail. came up with. That's not good. I'll do four more real quick, rapid fire. All right, number two, rod deep. I'm sorry. What about re- we wet. WICK KKKK What? Well, number four, Reginald Tale, I guess from the house tale. Different yeah, they're related Oh and number five and probably the winner, Max with two X's, Max Pickle. Max Pickle. Okay, that one I like Yeah. I do appreciate that one. Better than my Sandra Bullcock. Oh, what about my red cocktober? I know. starring... is that starring Tom Yanks? What about, what about, what about, what about Cock Hudson? Oh God. you guys ever see that movie Atomic Dome? No No. Don't do too many more of those. That's a hint for game time. Oh, okay, well that wasn't supposed to be, that's not a real movie, I just made that up. So, but I do have one more. Okay. Okay. it. Oh, OK. Dick Van Tinkle. He's into water sports. Yeah. that name's pretty golden. Jesus! It- this is all- Ooh, good for him! He was in cloud of the chance of meatballs. This is reminding me of that MadTV skit where everyone was trying to sign up for porn names. And like, one guy goes in and he keeps naming them, she's like, nope, taken, and then he goes... Okay. He's like, nope. It's reminding me of the MadTV skit. And one guy comes in and he's trying to think of names and she's like typing them in. She's like, nope, it's taken. I'm sorry, honey, it's taken. That one's taken too. And then finally he goes, I don't know, Winnie the Pooh hole. And she goes, nope, it's good, you can take it. Ha ha And then the Asian actor at the time walks in and he goes, Hung lo, and she goes, ah, it's available. And then she started stabbing it and he goes, where do I get my driver's license? And she's like, oh, honey, you want the DMV, that's next door. And then as he's walking out, she's like, he would have done so well. hahahaha forget that skit. Well, do you guys think it's time for a commercial? I do think so. Or an ad that we can't skip? I'm trying to think of what to do for this because there's so many easy, low, there's so much low hanging fruit. Sex toy? No, it's gotta be porn. Um... And... And now, for a word from our sponsor, the Beards and Sundries Nudie Calendar. Jesus. Inigo Montoya. And now, for a word from our sponsor, the Beards and Sundries Nudie Calendar. That's going to get a lot of engagement. I have to pee, make a drink, and I'll be right back. My college laptop I had limewire on it and it Porn crashed my computer twice. I didn't learn my lesson the first time or the second time I lost a computer once to it. Oh, one of our Beardos. I lost something once. One of our Beardos, Blake is at Clue, the musical. A new comedy, I kinda wanna see it. Oh my god, I want to go see Civil War, it's coming out Friday. You know, with Kirsten Dunst and how like, what would happen if a civil war actually broke out? And I'm like, hmm, this might be happening soon. When you're looking for a 2025 calendar of Beardos, choose no other than the Beards and Sundries Nudie Calendar, where you can see all of our best noodles. That panay for February was so hot. our Ulog. Say the one for February again, sorry. Jay, say your line again. Huh? Oh, that panay in February was so hot. Noodles. Ha ha ha. You don't can't pin it. I don't know, it pops out of my mouth and I think I always just say panay. Did you say Panay? That's so wrong. Okay. Like, like Forrest Hump says, I love you Penne. Yeah, like that. Jesus, you've derailed this whole commercial thing. What the fuck? This is an upsetting reality I'm not okay with. April fool. Okay. Be pissed off, I don't care. close at November, you can see my bow tie. Anyway, Jay... wheel, move on. Ha ha ha. if you look at March, you can see Joe, he's as thick as tagliatelle. Tagliatelle is that how you- I'm kidding. Yeah, it is. And that's how you pronounce it. You're wrong. Yes, we do have user content. Hahahaha First we heard real quick before you do user content, you want to talk about the bingo card? Because we didn't know that earlier. Now we can do that. Well, before we get into user content, Jay, we should update the Beardos about some stuff on the bingo cards. Yeah, we haven't checked that in a while, so let's do that! Where's my notes? Oh, there they are. I was like, I have to type this as I go. Alright, so I'm just gonna like start skimming through them. Joe, have you been annoyed that we've gone off topic yet? this episode, no. Joe? Annoyed. We need to mark that one. Joe, have you paid off your Visa card yet? Nope, working on that one still. Look at you! Anthony definitely hasn't had to be reminded. That sucks. We haven't done a live show, we haven't done radio play in non-Nord genre yet. Are we getting a thousand downloads a week yet? Not yet. Are you just going through them one by one? Yeah, I'm like sitting here going, what have we got? Severe natural phenomenon? I don't think we've had that yet. Uh, Joe, have you achieved your personal improvement goals? No. You're working on it though. You're doing great. I'm supposed to become better out of spite. Hey! Has a member of Congress been forced to resign before, or are they just opting to? they're opting to it's very annoying damn it. Anthony? got one on my card Jay lands on something that he actually wants to write because didn't you do some writing on your cruise? I did on the cruise, I dropped out a lot of riding. Yeah, he pumped it out, literally. What a good episode for that. I did start a new novel considering that I'm stuck at this weird crux with my first one that I need to like still finish rewriting, but like technically it's done, it's just not published. Anthony hasn't cried yet. We actually haven't forgot the topic. Joe, have you learned Spanish yet? Not any more than I already know, so no. I haven't won consecutive games. No, you haven't. Uh, well, okay, here's one. Anthony, were you triggered over that inaccurate movie fact? Because I think you might have been... Does it count if it's my own inaccurate movie fact? I think it might count for two spaces. Oooooooh! Because because I was so wrong beardos Well sure let's count it I was triggered enough to lie You know, oddly enough, I don't think we've had a breakout of the word DICKS yet. Yeah, that is weird. this episode. Ooh, guys, update! This is not a bingo space yet, but I put the new building proposed in Oklahoma City will actually be approved. The second, which is now is the first tallest building in the US. Because they made it taller and tomorrow it goes for approval with the city because the guy in California that's going to build it secured the funds. Good. I want it. I want it at this point. I want to see what happens. mark that one. Hey, here's another one. Have we started a Patreon? A Patreon? Patrione? in the midst of starting a Patreon. So. Very soon you guys will have the option to subscribe to our Patreon. We're still working out tiers and what comes with those and like what you guys get for that. But if nothing else, it will be a very convenient way to directly communicate with us and amongst yourselves. Mm-hmm. And. that is coming within the next few weeks probably. Yeah, that's starting. Also, we are very, very close to actually releasing merch. Merch. yep, that is very close to on the horizon. That actually could be a thing by the time you hear this episode. But let's be safe and say it won't, but at the same time, like it's... it easily will be a thing before May, unless something comes up. But I have secured the person who's doing it. I've secured the shop site. I've got the link set up already from our website, even though it's under construction, so you can't access it. What else do I have? Today I got the business registered with the state of Oklahoma, and once that information comes back to me all I have to do, I think, is set up bank information. which leads us to another Bingo Square sponsorship. So we do have affiliate sponsors that you will soon start hearing at the top of the episodes that we'll be going through once we have said bank account information. Yeah, so guys, we are... we are stepping it up and you're gonna notice because you're just gonna hear about it a lot. Ha! You have to. Season 4, Sponsors! Hehehehe spaces are coming. Real quick. They're coming so hard and fast. But speaking of coming, Jay, are there any Beardos submitted sundries this week? There are! Oh my god, guys. We had a little bit of an orgy in our inbox. No. Oh, thank God. because I have quite a bit this week. I debated moving some to next week, but people are starting to respond more, so we'll just get a lot out this week. Are you ready? Alright. Ready? Pump it on out on me. Ethan from Instagram messaged and said listening to the social media episode, which I apparently forgot to finish, dying at the game where you guys couldn't guess Snapchat. I figured it out from the very first clue and was so proud of myself. Well, good for you, Ethan. Yeah, we go Ethan. No. Ethan. This was my favorite one. There was more of conversation, but I'm not gonna read it all. And it's from Jason, Beardo Jason. And the first sentence was, Jesus Christ, the ad this week, which was regarding my whipped mashed potatoes. God, about that. I said silence. He said silence. Oh god, that was such a weird commercial to make. Bless it. For me, yes. Then we heard from Derek with the good beard. Oh! with the good beer AHHHH Sorry. Then we heard from. Derek with the good beer Uhhhhhh? And he says, I hereby give the BNS market permission to use my official PSA anytime a beardo does not leave a voicemail, since apparently it seems to apply to almost all episodes. I considered recommending a bingo square when the banter turns to food, but that would essentially be the same as a free space. Mm-hmm. That's true. For the record, I do love the food banter because I typically learn something every episode. And Anthony's favorite potato dish sounds extremely heaven- or absolutely heavenly. I can't read, sorry. I know, and I'm trying to figure out where my eyes did that. Anyways, luck- my brains! Luckily, I listened to the pod after dinner this week, so I'm not starving. Ugh. As far as cell phones are concerned, my first smartphone was a splurge. The Palm Trio 650. Whoa. Hell yeah, get it daddy. phone for AT&T at the time, but I switched carriers because reception inside my house was terrible. Then I got a T-Mobile Dash before eventually switching to Verizon and getting the iPhone 5S. I've been in the iPhone camp ever since. Yep, it is. I apologize for being absent for a few weeks, as Jay and Anthony mentioned, I was also at TBRU and my annual reminder that although I can still party like a rockstar, I can no longer recover like one. That bear flu is real. It was an absolute joy to meet Joe and Anthony in person. I appreciate the kind words and hearty laughs. And the view of skimpy outfits. The boys got some GAMS! No! My yams, my ham. haaams! I do have one clarification to make though. Even though I was Anthony's male escort on Friday night, no money ever changed hands. I was merely a friendly recognizable beard in the crowd. Looking forward to next year or whenever our paths cross again. Hint hint, I have just signed up for cruise the week after Thanksgiving. Derek, since no money changed hands, that makes you my slut. No. Cough cough You're Anthony Slut! Ha ha ha! Derek with the good dick. Eh. Huh. Anyways, anyways, continue. Thank you, dear. We heard from... Briiiiizzzz... again. And I'm loving this. We're gonna have to get up a jingle soon. John, get on that. Do free work for us! John anything for anything. He just gives us stuff for free. Yeah, John! And he says, I just got my wisdom teeth out on Friday and you three are the only reason I got through this terribly long Easter weekend. I listened to the podcast all weekend long and to distract me from the pain. Even when laughing caused more pain. It was worth it. I will gladly take on a nickname from you guys. I've had so many over the years. Even bricy. So debate amongst yourself. Although I recently found out that the date for Easter is based on the first Sunday after the full moon after the spring equinox. Sounds like some major pagan shit going on for a Catholic Christian holiday. I just got a great idea. this is why all Christian holidays sit around pagan holidays, because they're not real. Exactly. He said my parents didn't like it when I brought it up at Easter dinner. My sisters thought it was great though. Much love from my fellow fags. Bryce. P.S. Don't worry Jay. I checked my balls. Aww, good. As you should. At dinner? Right. Yeah. Oh. idea for your nickname for Bryce then. Why don't we do a little thing where we check in on Gen Z and we call it a Bryce check. Oh! A brise, a brise check. No, it's like a Bryce check, like a price check. I get it, I'm there. I get it, I'm seeing, I'm smelling what you're putting down. I like it. Bryce Z. Ha ha ha! or hungry brides. Oh my god. Oh, I've been keeping notes as I go, and I didn't realize that I've gotten two emails from him that we haven't read because we recorded two episodes early and then I went on vacation. Well here's another one for Bryce. I fucking love the episode this week. I bounce back and forth whether or not I want kids through my years growing up. I've decided that I don't want kids, and when I tell people that the answer is always, Oh, and when I tell people that, the answer is always, That's what I said when I was younger. You'll come around. Now, I'm actually getting further away. Can we talk about the fact that people always shit on those who say they don't want kids? Why would I want to bring a kid into a decaying world full of awful, terrible, unspeakable things? And with how capitalism keeps fucking the general population over, it would most likely bankrupt me to have a child. Even when I'm old. But anywho, getting away from that dark topic, I remember when I got my class ring, my parents got it for me my freshman year, which I eventually found out was way too early, and I don't even wear it. Waste of money. Mm-hmm. I got to customize it because my parents never went through Jostens and I was super into my Christianity back when I was younger, which I find hilarious because I'm agnostic now and I'm pretty sure religion heightened my internal homophobia when I was younger. So I had a cross and doves on one side and instruments and music notes on the other side, which my sister had that too. Well, the instrument and notes. He played alto and tenor sax, that's fun, in marching and concert band. cool. Sorry for the long ass email this week, but I had to share. Hope you're having a great vacation, Jay, and much love to all three of you, as always. Bries. I think I should just start signing off my emails as Bries now, is what he says. Just accept it. Braaaze. Braz and thank you Braz. I had a great vacation. It was fantastic. I It was hard to come back Mm-hmm. Back to Oklahoma. Last one, and this is exciting to me. Alexis. Hi y'all! I'm currently watching Show Us Your Texting Package and made the executive decision to reach out officially. You may remember my comments under Black Smoke Rise on YouTube. Is that who that is? That is, I was so excited to have a name! I honestly, I wasn't, I thought I knew who it was and I am entirely right. Wow. I've been watching since season 2 and commenting randomly. I just want to say you all are hilarious and thank you for providing so much entertainment. With love, Alex. Bye Pride from Atlanta, Georgia. Aww. Oh, well thank you very much. Seriously, thank you Alex. That is... I know I was like it's so nice to have a name to this now that because all the time I'm seeing comments from that. And I'm like, I want to know who you are, but I don't want just like ask in comments like who are you? who it was and I was not right. Now we know. Thank you so much! I'm so glad you like and messaged us. This is so, this is a happy day for me. Also, do you want to go by Alex or Alexis? I wasn't sure, since you wrote both, and I want to make sure one wasn't like auto-correct, like my fingers do. Or if you want a fun name, we'll just make up one. Yeah. We never do that. like Sohorny Weaver. Anyways... Well... God. Well, moving right along, Beardos, we have a very special something to check out this week. Anthony, why don't you tell us all about it? All right. Cha-ching. I don't know where to include that at now that you said it that way. Yeah, so this week I want you guys to check out toadberg.com. That is T-O-A-D-B-E-R-G dot com. So you guys probably know Joe and I talk about Zack and Toad fairly often. They are friends far as who live in Minneapolis. Well, Toad is a tailor. He is a clothe a man of the cloth. And by that, I mean, he can sew like a motherfucker. He is so talented. Very talented. He has recently gotten back to making harnesses for the general public. They are made to order. You can find them at toadburg.com. Currently, they have the Food for Thought collection. And that is T-H-O-T for you. And that includes the pizza harness, the donut harness, the hot dog harness, and a couple of others as well. So you should absolutely go check it out. He hand makes them all to order. So you will be getting a handmade item. You will be getting it made specifically for you. And the model is pretty easy on the eyes. He is a tall drink of water. That gave me another poor name, Harry Thoughter. Continue. God, shut the fuck up. Anyways, so go check out toadberg.com. That is T-O-A-D-B-E-R-G.com. We'll include the link at the show notes. And get one of the Food for Thought harnesses because honestly, my favorite one is the donut one. It's so super cute. The colors are adorable. They're really unique and I mean, as we never mentioned food on this podcast, but the food designs on there are pretty cool and he picked fabric that showcases them really well on the one inch straps that he uses to make the harnesses so they're really cool looking. It's very, very cool. And he does pick really good fabric to display the theme of the harness. So you'll, they're just really well done. Tode is good at what he does. He's so talented. So definitely go check him out. You said donut? Another poor name. Boner Simpson. Let me see that nuclear bomb. It's the Atomic Dome. Ha ha ha! The Atomic Dong? Ha ha! there you go. Anyways, moving on, do you guys think it's game time? I do. Joe, do you have the game for us this week? think it's game time. Hang on. the game for us this week? Joe? Hang on, waiting on her to wake up. Come on, oop. Yes? Joe? Joe, do you have the game for us this week? I sure do! This is a game that I'm calling Real or Fake Porno Edition. Hmm It's all fake. so this week I have a game for you guys. I have in my possession right here, 15 movie titles. And it is gonna be up to you two to work together to determine if they are real or fake. So the way this is gonna work this week is I am playing against the two of you and you're trying to beat me. So I'm going to give you the movie title, you're gonna talk amongst yourselves and you're gonna decide whether it's real or fake. If you guys get it right, you get the point, and if you get it wrong, I get the point. And it's the best out of 15. love it. do it. Absolutely. All right, well let's get right into it. Number one, Schindler's Fist. I don't want it to be accurate, but it seems like something that's gonna be real. Are we going with real? I don't want it to be real. No way. it to be, but I just feel like it is. Do you feel like it is? Nothing is sacred in the world of porn. Let's just go for it. Now, do it. Do it. Do it. Joe, we're going with real. That is correct. Schindler's Fist is real. See. I hate that. Like, because I'm gonna be depressed while I'm, I can't have a sad wank. That's so bad! that's true, Jay. I feel like you've probably had a couple of sad winks. Who hasn't had a sad wank? Ha. Ha ha ha. I'm like, no you can't be sad during this, this is a joyous time. AHHH ha. Alright, number two, Womb Raider. Wait, is this only gay porn? Or is this any porn? Oh, okay. Anthony. I... That's ga- Ah, that sounds real, Jay. What makes you think so? It does, but I also think that the fact... Well, I don't know. Sometimes pregnant... is the most, one, we talked about this the other day, the Tomb Raider is the most recognized video game franchise amongst gamers, or just generally, amongst the general populace. And that seems like such an easy transition from tomb to womb. It does, but the thing is, for some reason, the thought of womb doesn't sound sexy, so I don't know if they're going to use it. It might be... I'm worried that it's so simple. Okay. Yeah, you know what? Use your judgment, Jay. I'm going to trust you on this one, but I think you're right, but I'm going to not be mad if you're not. So we're going to agree to say it's fake. Let's do fake Joe. Ooh, that's a tough break, boys. Womb Raider is real. I should have gone with you, Anthony, I'm sorry. Yeah, probably, every single one. It just seems so easy. That's why it's a- Raider is pretty easy. Jesus. Anyways, what's number three? Alright, number three, bend over like Beckham. Oh, no, fake. Too many syllables. That's what you're going off of? Too many syllables? Well, that's a good way to go because that one is indeed fake. Yep. Boom! Alright, number four, writing Miss Daisy. gotta be real. real. I'm going with real Anthony, are you? Real, real. Reel. Good job guys, that one's real. Yeah. Hahahaha Miss Daisy, Jesus Christ. The worst part about it is I'm imagining the really sexy woman in an old woman's wig. And then Morgan Freeman. Morgan Freeman, he's like I'm gonna go in your legs and your gut no No, no, stop. What's the next one? Oh. Number 5, Brokeback Mounting Real? That's a tough one. Real? I'm feeling real too. Are you feeling real? I'm feeling real on that one. I mean it was already kinda boring. Let's do real. but now it's like, V Porn. It's porn. It's porn. Yeah, real. Real! let's go real. Sorry, my Google Docs just randomly said my access to this file has changed and I have to contact the administrator, but now it says storage is full, even though it's not full. Okay, it's back, so whatever, I don't care. Oh that is a tough break, gentlemen. Brokeback mounting is fake. Oh, well that was a good fake one Joe. I like that, I like that a lot, yeah. Brokeback mounting is what I very, I really enjoy bareback mounting. Ha ha All right, number six, shaving Ryan's privates. real. Real. Yeah, real I think you've brought that I think you've brought it up to me a couple of times. Yeah Alright, number seven, The Bear Bitch Project. J, I wanna say it's real. Let's say it's real, let's just go real. Real. It's real. It's got it. Ah, no! Oh God! Anthony! We're starting this! We are making this porn! We're making the bare bitch project. I am calling Girthbrook's John Magnum right now. But we'll make the camera work better. Ha ha ha! who else do I know? Oh my god. it's just I'm so scared right now, but instead of the nostrils, it's just a butt. Oh God, all right number eight. The Da Vinci... I can't even say it. Okay. Number eight, the Da Vinci Chode. That's real. That is real. 100% real. It's too funny to be fake. I know, but it's totally fake. God damn it! I read it on the list and I was like, Da Vinci? Oh Joe, you might be the funniest fucking person that I know because that's the funniest fucking thing I've ever heard. Oh my god. The Da Vinci Chode. Jesus Christ. He's he's using it. He's not using the little device to spin. He's actually using the guy's cock Oh, okay. Jesus Christ like folding it back for the message. Tsss Alright, number nine, Edward penis hands. Real. I fucking love this. I don't think Jay heard it. I didn't, what was it? I'm sorry, I thought you guys were joking with me. No, it's fine. All right. Next one, number nine, Edward penis hands. Oh, okay. All right. No, it's fine. All right. Real, real, it's gotta be real. That one is in fact real. Oh, thank God. I was gonna be really disappointed. Society is doomed if they haven't thought of that one already. Ha ha Alright. said. dick fingers. BLEH! Ahahaha! of hot dog fingers. Yeah, right. Alright, next up... all in your butt. Alright, number 10, Drill Bill. fake. It's fake. I want it to be real, but it's fake. want it to be real, I'm agreeing with you on this. Fake, fake, fake. Alright, you guys are right, that one's fake. Boom! Hell yeah! Good for us! Yes! This game's the tits. Okay, number 11. Okay, number 11, Jurassic Pork. I want it to be real, but that does not feel quite right. It doesn't? And I ins- my instinct is saying fake. I'm going fake too. Yep. All right, good job. That one is fake. Phew. Thank you, Joe, for giving me so many ideas, though. Listeners, I'm looking for porn stars for new movies I'm making, so chime in. Yeah, well, now I have content for next week, so thank you, also call in. Just like this next one, talk about getting inundated. Number 12, how Stella got her tube packed. Real. 100% real. Real. final answer. J-Froze, but I think we're in agreement. See you going with real? second, but real, it's gotta be real. real. Okay, yep, that one is real. Yay! Good job, Stella. mm. Time to get your groove back again! Mwahahahaha! Okay, alright next up lucky number 13, a beautiful behind. Is this a take on a beautiful mind? Yes. No. Wait, maybe. I don't know, Jay. What's your first instinct? My first instinct says no. It seems really lame, and so I want to say no. Let's just go no. No, final answer. fake. Don't fake. Tough break, that one is real. Damn it! That would be a boring porn, it sounds boring. And I'm a butt guy, I love butts. behind. I love butts too, but like. I mean... Imagine the room is just like... It's still the wall, but like just pictures of asses. but I literally just imagine... can think of now is goodwill coming. See. No, it's not. thank God. And all I can think of is the opening to Days of Our Lives, but it's just that same concept, but something about Beautiful Behind, because it just sounds lame. Right. Yeah, it's not a great play on words, honestly. like loose fitting jeans. Ha ha ha. No, I'm kidding. Anyways, let's continue. Alright, number fourteen, Strokemon. real. Real? Final answer. Gotta be real. Real. Yep, you guys are right, that one is real. I don't want to watch it. I never want to see that. It will ruin so much. Is that fungus? so... God! Do you ever wanna fuck a Pikachu? Watch Strokemon. Watch out for my fungus coming in. Oh god, alright, fuck, shut up! Ha ha. Alright, last one. ET, the extra testicle. I know there's ET porn that exists because I have seen it. I don't know that that's what it's called. I don't know, what are you feeling, Jay? I think it's fake because I imagine E.T.'s like coming home or something like that. It's watching it and he's like, this is ableist. Meh. Ha ha ha. Let's go fake. with an extra one? Oh, I agree, fake. Let's do fake f**k. Yeah, sure. Well good job, you got it! That one is indeed fake. And that- and I was about to write a letter. I know there's an ET porn that's out there because I have indeed seen it, but it was not... it was not... And at the end of our game, that brings our final score to Joe with 5 and Jay and Anthony with 10. So good job, guys. We did way better than I thought we would. I did. Yeah, I'm really shocked how we did. And I love that game. for us. That was fun. But I hear the music coming back on and it's Kenny G. So go call our hotline real quick. 405-999-2242 to do you. and beardos, pass us a towel, shirt, sock, anything to clean up because, well, it's time for us to go. If you'd like to help us out, go and subscribe to our podcast so you can get reminders every Sunday when we release a new episode. We also post frequent updates on all of our social medias and our website for any additional sundries that we may add to the market. And don't forget to rate us five dicks and leave a review. We'd love to hear from you and those ratings are what get us down by more people like you. Also, we'd be honored if just each one of you could sell one of your hookups to listen to the podcast because that would double our growth. And while you're getting plowed by that hookup and talking about our podcast, why don't you go check out our socials, TikTok threads, Instagram, Facebook, maybe log in to our website, bear email us about your sexual experiences, or maybe not, at bear So, from the three of us sexual deviants here at the Beards and Sundries market, make sure to... Love yourself. Because we already love porn. I mean you. I'm here to fix your pipe, sir. Bye, beardos! Oh my god, oh my god! WHOA-